I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I checked into jail on foursquare
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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