And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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