I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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