when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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