Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
