At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
