Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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