Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
