my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
