i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
