Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize