tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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