I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
