I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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