you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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