I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We need to get me chipped asap
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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