This girl is more easily done than said...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
