Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
