Your face is a jimmy john
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
