College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
