I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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