All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
