Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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