I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
