Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
