Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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