What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
