it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
