I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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