So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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