If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, he came in my armpit
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
