I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
