and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
