i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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