I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
