I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just cropdusted the office
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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