Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize