I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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