I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
