im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
