She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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