Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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