he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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