you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
