I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
