I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
