I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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