I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
