Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
