my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize