he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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