She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
