I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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