Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
