Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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