I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
