I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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