pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
