I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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