there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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