There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
