I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want a musical about memes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
