I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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