you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
