I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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