You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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