Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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