I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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