toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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